Match Reports

Unfortunately, there was no IPL style cheerleading performances to entertain the bench and the spectators – just the sight of some sweaty men huddling in their respective halves being berated by their respective leaders. Nango’s new harsh management style and desire to win meant there were no changes at half-time, despite leading by 31 points!
The sight of the referee trotting over to Nango at half time didn’t bode well – was he taking objection to our constant griping – as if we would do such a thing? No, it appears that Melton had had enough of being shunted all over the place by a dominant Lions pack. Despite being offered Big Matt (without him being asked) they rejected this option in favour of passive scrums.
This tactic obviously didn’t have the desired effect as soon after we kicked off again Leathers  danced through the Melton defence from a quick tap penalty to score – conversion Joe – 45-7.
With the points seemingly in the bag, Nango made his first substitution – Winsland for Chris. Keen to make an impression he slotted into the front row to give us a bit (?) more mobility around the park. From a lineout close to the Melton line, Stan steals the ball to score after their backline literally stood still to let him through – they obviously knew he was desperate to impress his newborn baby watching him for the first time – converted by Joe 52-7.
With their passive scrummaging obviously not having the desired result, Melton resorted to running every ball back at us. Matt G was clearly in the wrong place at the wrong time as he was forced to tackle the Melton winger into touch – his third tackle in a many weeks!
From the resulting line, Lions won the ball and Adrian predicted a drop goal attempt by our fly-half, who had dropped back “in the hole”. This was clearly a double bluff as Matt decided to run again and only a drop from Charlie on the right wing saved another certain try. This turned out to be the last action for the season from Mr Gardner, replaced by Adrian who makes an excellent first intervention by tackling a rampaging Melton player.
Nango then decided that the match was safe enough to ring some further changes – Tom for Rich, Haz for Charlie and Tudgey for Stan. Dissent from Melton handed possession back to Lions with an extra 10 yards but the ball was passed into touch by the backline. Strong tackling from Iain drives the Melton Number 8 entertained the crowd, but not as much as a fight breaking out on the net pitch with our talent spotting scouts looking at drafting in the Lion’s pugnacious Number 14 for next season after he leapt three foot in the air to lash out at the opposition.
Back to our match and the changes in personnel had obviously had an effect on our defensive lines as the opposition man of the match (the Number 8) crashed over for a second score. 52-14.
From the delightfully lofted kick-off, Gareth plucked the ball from the air and only a most unsympathetic pass meant Haz dropped the ball with the line at his mercy. With the minutes ticking away, Colonel was punished for leaving his head in the way of an errant pass and the final play of the match saw Joe attempt a kicked clearance from inside our 22m, only to hook the ball into the middle of our posts where the Melton Number 8 crashed over again – final score 52-19.
So the season came to an end with Lions victorious and top of the league (well, we think we are – it all hinges on a disputed postponement by Ashby against Vipers. Will our neighbours be able to do us a favour – we still don’t know).  To quote Damon Hill:
“Winning is everything. The only ones who remember you when you come second are your wife and your dog.”
As some of us don’t have wives, let alone canine companions, it’s probably a good job we won or we would be consigned to the dustbin of local rugby history – although we may actually get a picture on the clubhouse wall now (we’re not holding our breath). We are also looking forward to another excellent DQ designed certificate to hang next to it – Nango promises not to leave this one in a pool of beer.
After the match Nango was so excited that he bought champagne into the changing room to celebrate. Actually, scrap that – it was a big jug of tea. Actually, scrap that – Rich carried the small tea urn with the 8 cups into the changing room, where we shared a celebratory cuppa and changed in shifts. Much conversation was had about the last time we had won anything – which we pretty much decided was never, if you didn’t include various schoolboy trophies. Matt G decided he was definitely going to the award ceremony to collect our trophy on our behalf – I think that’s one of the reason’s PE teachers are drawn into the profession – it’s not a calling, it’s a magpie like attraction to shiny metal.
So, we look forward to our summer break and the challenges of next season, reassured that Nango has agreed to carry on as our team manager. A recruitment campaign will have to be waged to replace leading try-scorer Joe, who is back off to his homeland full of tales of tribal rugby in the Leicestershire hinterland where men are men and pre-match warm ups are banned, let alone training in the week. A promise of new shirts awaits (I will be ordering my own extra large one, just to be on the safe side) and Nango has promised to arrange events in the summer – as long as half the side survive their rafting trip into the wilds with Rich Alexander.  

2nd April 2011 - Away v Vipers (0-26)

With the end of the season rapidly approaching, it was probably fortuitous that the 3rd’s game was cancelled due to some fixture computer mix-up as many of our regular starters are showing signs of a long, hard season: no Togga, Gareth, Leathers, Ken, Little Cookie, Charlie or Joe – suffering with a bad case of manflu. Added to this, Nango decided to take a step back from playing and concentrate on management for the day – which I am sure had nothing to do with his getting merry the night before with a fellow absentee Matt Gardner (who was celebrating the arrival of his new Lazyboy chair – who says we don’t know how to live in the vets!).
Showing all our usual keenness, we stumbled out into the bright April afternoon and took our place on the farthest pitch with Walshie installed in his usual captaincy berth, looking to make it two wins in a row to balance out his two previous defeats. Worried about a lack of back substitutes, Nango assured his team that Dan had texted him and that he would be “a bit late”.
From the kick off it was clear that this week would not match the last couple of performances as the ball bounced squarely in the middle of a seemingly disinterested Lions pack. Little Cookie (who arrived in a stylish rugby boot and sock combination tucked into jeans) no doubt tutted in displeasure on the sidelines, cursing his glass ankle which has deprived us of his services for the rest of the season.
A desire to save the environment obviously plagues our scribes in the Vets, so I must apologise again for the distinct lack of details regarding the passages of play – Nango is obviously from the Capello school of language skills, managing to summarise the entire second half in 26 words! I have undertaken to make a reporting sheet for the start of next season so that we can look forward to higher levels of journalistic observation next season.
Anyway, back to the action – what little was recorded! At some stage in the first quarter, the Vipers loosehead prop decided that he wasn’t getting enough support from his shorts and so trotted to the touchline to change into a new pair. Obviously reassured by his new kit, the Vipers pack dominated much of the first half with Lions scrum being shoved back on a number of occasions for pretty much the first time this season. Struggling to break out of their own half, Iain finally broke through a number of tackles in his own unique style and took the play into Vipers 22.  A clearing kick was caught by the wind and dribbled into touch behind where the kick actually started – just past the Vipers 5m line.
With Wilba winning the Tudgey’s usual laser accurate lineout having been lifted skywards by his two props –Wayne and Chris – the ball was popped out of the resulting maul by a snap pass from Buster (sporting a black eye – concern from his peers establishing that this was due to a DIY incident, not from a school happy slapping attack) to Matt Earnshaw who shrugged of tackles from the opposition backline to score the first try of the match, duly converted by Adrian: 0-7.
Play continued for much of the rest of the half, surging between the two 22m lines. Harry nearly scored after a breakaway but was prevented by a dubiously high tackle – still no sign of Dan Q. Moments of amusement were caused by the Vipers’ hooker managing to hit the back of his front lineout jumper’s head (possibly knowing they were likely to win the resulting scrum). A concerned female observer wondered why no-one was helping her boyfriend, who had gone off injured – “Don’t they have a physio or something?” – clearly not a regular observer at this level! She was about to volunteer her services for the match, claiming to be in possession of first aid qualifications, before we informed her it might not be a good idea – the sight of an attractive blonde on the sidelines with a sponge would have lead to an almost immediate potential for groin strains from both sides – we would just have to stick with Stan’s insider NHS knowledge if anything went horribly wrong (although these do include more IT skills rather than bandages).

Our webmaster continued to note a concern about the state of our scrummaging, but without the expert analysis of our two stalwart observers, Sharpie and Neil H (who had hosted a celebration of their 50th wedding anniversaries the previous night – to their wives, not each other), we are left with the scrum looking “very unsteady” and “Vipers dicking on Lions scrum” – Sky Sports look out!
A series of niggling injuries to our backline did not seem to help the flow – Iain picked up another knock and took a few minutes to get himself together; Matt Earnshaw went off to have his thigh bound up after tweaking a muscle and a reshuffle lead to Dave’s appearance at fullback, with Adrian moving up to fly-half – still no sign of Dan Q.
An awful half of rugby drew to a close with Vipers on the ascendancy until... Colonel stripped the ball out of his opposite number in our 22 and passed it to Ricky on the left wing. Despite seeming to be running in treacle and having three separate hands holding onto him at one stage, Ricky won the race to the try-line and scored an excellent try, again converted by Adrian: 0-14.
The second half started with wholesale changes to the Lions pack. Matt and James Earnshaw replaced Wayne and Chris and Stan replaced Tudgey at hooker. Andy Winsland came on for Rich Alexander in the second row and Dave came onto the back row, replacing Stu Watson, who moved out to scrum half to replace Buster –still no sign of Dan Q!
With the addition of approximately 30 extra stone in the Lions pack, the first half scrummaging problems ceased to exist – driving back a Vipers pack with frequency. With much more ball Lions began to make inroads into a tiring Vipers backline. A tactical change saw Colonel swap with Iain in the centres to allow Iain to bosh anything that moved (including the Vipers second team centre, who had been running around colonel in the first half as if he wasn’t there).
I’m afraid Nango’s 26 word summary of the second half doesn’t do justice to some of the play we saw in the final 20 minutes of the game. Walshie made a break and then carried out the most outrageous dummy, sidestep and then pass to Stu Watson who scored out wide – conversion missed: 0-19.
With the minutes ticking by, Stan claimed the ball from a ruck and made a burst up the middle of the pitch. His low centre of gravity and pumping legs saw him “surge” over the half way line and pop the ball to Wilba. Running from the half-way line to score was not in Wilba’s mind as he set off “gazelle like” towards the posts. However, despite doing everything in his power to allow the opposition to bring him down (other than to just stop ala Matt G), he collapsed over the line under the posts to score a late try, converted by Adrian 0-26.
So, another week over and another victory. Post match libations in the bar saw Nango disclose a lack of tour this year due to lack of numbers. On the plus side, that does mean the tour fund may be used to purchase a new set of shirts, providing much relief to the stomachs of the pack and meaning the backs won’t have to steal the fat lads shirts next season.
Post script – with three pints down in the clubhouse – Nango got a phone call from Dan Q, who had been dealing with an electrician and so hadn’t been able to make it. Suitable punishment will be administered next week.

26th March 2011 - Home v Aylestone St James (39-24)

At Westleigh Park, in front of a couple of dozen spectators, the Lions Vets & Aylestone St James 3rd team played what many are now calling "the greatest game of Rugby ever played”. Lion’s victory over Jimmies in this top of the table encounter opened the floodgates on an outpouring of emotion, mostly that of fear as the realisation that an unwanted promotion was now more than a distinct possibility!
 True rugby aficionado would acknowledge that this season’s campaign has been of the highest quality and if Saturday’s performance may perhaps be a barometer for future success then the idea of promotion should be embraced and fortify us for a final league meeting with Melton in a couple of weeks.
Anyway to the game, as Lion’s players began to congregate in the clubhouse they gazed out to the training pitch and watched with a level of uncertainty as a much changed Jimmies side were already changed and running through their moves in preparation for the game. From the first whistle Lions showed good intent and from a scrum close to the visitor’s line Togga was able to steal an early score, (5-0). Buster from the side line saw this as a “….bad omen, we never score first”. It appeared Buster’s prophesy of doom was correct as Jimmies aided by he referee’s whistle responded immediately (5-7). Jimmies began to take a strangle hold on the game, with an untouchable line out and a set of whippet fast backs it looked line it was going to be a bad day at the office for the home side. Things went from bad to worse as Ken went down injured and left the field, the new svelte Matt Cunningham stepped in. Although the visitors controlled much of the play some excellent first up tackling from the backs managed to prevent further damage and on a rare visit to the opposition half a stray kick fielded by a Jimmies centre found Matt Gardner in space near the 22, a quick glance at the posts and a deft drop goal sailed over the posts to restore Lions lead (8-7). He lead was short lived, directly from the kick off, Jimmies retrieved the ball to score from the wing, and the conversion successful executed from the touch line (8-14). 

 Jimmies tactics of keeping a high tempo was creating huge problems for Lions but unyielding tackling kept the visitors out. Lion’s penalty count continued to swell whilst the fringing from the Jimmies scrum half continued to go unpunished despite remonstration from Messrs Hall & Sharpe on the side line. Another injury, this time stand off Gardner, his feeble hamstring giving way once again, some rearranging of personnel, Togga to 10, Stu Watson to 9 and Gozzo on to the back row the game resumed. More penalties, more dialogue between Walshy and the Ref.
A break out from Joe, a ruck, quickly recycled ball and Togga executed a sidestep followed by a change of pace that left the Visitors wide eyed in astonishment as he got the ball down for his second score, Iain with the kick (15-14). The half ended after a final farcical penalty, Charlie adjudged to have played a ball that was at least 5 yards ahead of him prior to Iain running on to it.

Lions continued to aggrieve the ref as the second half saw Lions giving away a host of penalties and pinned in their own 22, for once the home side managed to take a line out, a deft pass from Togga released Iain and the ball moved up the pitch at pace, Iain back to Togga his hopeful pass taken by Colonel with his fingertips, Harry was on hand when Colonel was eventually held up, the move ending with Joe winning a foot race to the line, again Iain able to add the extra points (22-14). Tails up Lions backs began to run riot, a break from Colonel, the ball recycled by the pack and Iain on hand to finish the move (27-14). Despite some exceptional tackling from Harry & Colonel and a dominant scrum putting the tiring Jimmies pack under sustained pressure the visitors managed another score, whilst to those on the touch line it appeared that the Jimmies attacker had been held up on the line the referee had a different opinion and awarded the score (27-19). Lions responded with a score of their own after dome awesome work from the pack Gozzo managed to power his way over the line (32-19). As Lions attempted to close the game out Togga was the next player to leave the field injured. Notwithstanding another forced change Lions continued to take the game to the visitors and after a great break from Joe and some fantastic running from Charlie, ably assisted by both Stu & Chris, a grateful Iain was able to add to his tally diving over for the score, before composing himself and sending the conversion through the uprights (39-19). Another score looked likely when once again Joe was able to break from deep within his own half only to run out of gas 10m short of the opposition line. Unbowed Jimmies retort was a try of their own (39-24). The second half now in its 50th minute came to an indecorous end when a head butt aimed at Charlie went unpunished and an incensed Gozzo seeking retribution found himself on the receiving end of a yellow card. An outstanding game and a astonishing result, all thoughts now turning to the Melton game, a win likely to secure promotion alongside either today’s guests or Ashby.
 

19th March 2011 - Home v Leicester Forest (60-7)

Spring had arrived at Westleigh Park and so had visitors Leicester Forest for a friendly fixture which promised to be a tough test, playing their rugby in the division Lions are so desperate to avoid promotion to but with conditions ideal for their fast and expansive game Lions had more than the travelling side could handle. From the first whistle the Leicester Forest side appeared to alienate the referee and began to amass countless penalties which Lions set about exploiting. Good running from the newly teetotal Matt Gardner (spotted drinking water in the club house afterwards) split the visitors defense and a well timed pass found his wing Iain in space and rather than look for the contact the abrasive wing for once took the easy option and ran in unopposed, the toe punt from Daniel sailing high & wide to leave the score unconverted (5-0).

A series of quickly taken penalties saw Lions back at the Forest line again and after a catch and drive from a lineout the pack set the ball up for Iain to pop up for a second score, Daniel again failing with his kick (10-0). Handling in rucks and lying on the ball saw more lectures from the Ref and had Nango not left his hands at home another score would have been secured. Speed of thought from the abstinent Gardner and a long throw from touch allowed Colonel to take play to the visitor’s line and once again Iain was on hand for his hatrick and again Daniel was able to balloon the ball deep in to the undergrowth away from the posts (15-0).

The next try came after a break down the blindside from the dominant Lions scrum and the temperate Gardner managed to touch down between the posts, with Daniel now sacked from kicking duties Iain slotted the conversion (22-0). With Forest’s scrum continued to struggle both at the hands of Lions tight five and the referee’s whistle and Lions dominance from the lineout the visitors had difficulty securing good ball and relied on the boot to clear their lines. Shortly before the halftime whistle one such kick having failed to find touch was retrieved by Iain and returned for his fourth try and second conversion (29-0).
Regardless of all the half time changes in personnel the game continued in a similar fashion with centre’s Colonel & Joe exploiting the space with constant half breaks putting Lions on the front foot. A score for Stu Watson after some illusive running from Joe went unconverted (34-0) and Lions then went to sleep. The visitors, aided by some lazy defending broke their duck with a decent score (34-7) suitably admonished Lions set about finishing the game, first with Stu stepping around the side of a ruck for a score (much to the chagrin of Buster - complaining from the touchline that when he’s at scrum half he never gets that much space), (41-7). A pushover for the pack, scored by 2nd Half No 8 Ben was duly converted by Iain (48-7). More disagreements between Forest & the Ref saw Lions quickly back in the Visitors half and 2nd Half Stand Off Matt Earnshaw was able to add a further score & conversion (53-7). There was still time for one last score, and it appropriately went to a Joe after Colonel broke from deep and popped the ball to his centre partner who, notwithstanding his aversion to scoring of late managed to win a 40m foot race to the line against Guys half his age, kick from Iain, job done (60-7).

12th March 2011 - Home v Anstey (19-27)

Another week flies past and in the continuing absence of our webmaster (who seems to be taking his sausage hunting duties in Bratislava extremely seriously), it falls to me to scribe this week’s match report. If the report seems a little thin on the details, I must apologise, but the scrap of paper Nango handed me measures 2 inches square and whilst it contains the scores, wasn’t forthcoming with anything else.
Having lost last week against a strong Ashby side despite a good performance, it was a friendly fixture against Anstey’s A team this week. Not having played the opposition for a number of years we relied on the rugby grapevine (well, their website) to size up our opposition, who were disturbingly out drilling on the floodlit pitch whilst our team turned up in their customary dribs and drabs. It turns out that we were playing a mixture of their first and second teams, the other half being sent to play against Melton 4ths. Ever cheery, Tom pointed out that this meant we were playing against at least part of a team that plays 4 divisions above us – well, I think that’s what he said amongst the usual potty mouth language we have become accustomed to.
For the first time ever, Nango managed to secure more backs than forwards on his team sheet – still no Leathers and Gareth and a further reduction in available back row players with the absence of Stu (who has obviously given up his competition with Joe for top try scorer) and Lee Powell, who has retired (again!). Added to this was no Rich Alexander or Stan – not because the long suffering Tor had given birth but because of a band competition. Drafted into the makeshift lineup came the younger Stean – worryingly a number of players has played rugby with his dad in the old Westleigh days – yes, we are that old! As punishment for missing out last week, Wayne was also forced to play the whole game as I was drafted into the second row.
And so to the match – well, as stated above, I can’t actually recall what happened for most of it. Anstey were clearly fit, full of running and organised scoring three unconverted tries in quick succession (despite some excellent cover tackling from Colonel and Charlie) to take the score to 0-15. No conversions - their kicker clearly wasn’t up to much! I do remember making a tackle – unfortunately the referee deemed it a bit high and gave a penalty (to be fair, I did just jump on his back to take him to ground – in my mind like a leopard on the African plain taking down a wildebeest, although you would have to check with the only person in the team who is likely to be able to verify it, Chris J – I suspect he would consider it to be more like an incontinent hippo).
Looking down the barrel of another defeat, Lions flicked a switch and started to actually play some territorial rugby with Matt G’s big booming right foot gaining some hard yards. The scrum started to dominate – shoving the Anstey pack backwards at a rate of knots. The Anstey tight head got so upset with Wayne that he complained to the referee – to be fair, Wayne probably owns pants older than him, so he knew a few tricks to play on his young opponent.
With Joe’s family having turned up on the touchline, he turned on his magic and scored after evading a number of tackles. Conversion by Dan 7-15. Shortly after this there was a parting of the Anstey defence which Matt G “ran” through. Clearly expecting him to stop yards from the line (see previous match report against Vipers for details), they were sorely disappointed as the burst of energy from giving up bad things for Lent meant he cruised under the posts. Again, converted by Dan: 14-15.
With Little Cookie’s glass ankle causing him to go off at half-time, we were relieved to see Gozzo changed on the touchline – whilst not quite the first £1m player (having paid £7.50 to watch the first team) he took to the field of play as clearly the most expensive appearance in Vets history. It is unconfirmed at this stage whether Nango made him pay his subs as well.
From Nango’s tatty note, it seems as if Anstey then pulled out in front again –scoring twice (14-25) and (14-27) before this season’s champagne rugby moment. From the kick off a tussle for the ball lead to a break up the touchline by Buster. I’m afraid I am not eloquent enough to describe the next few moments of play – lets’ just say he meant to juggle the ball despite being driven into touch by a despairing tackle and almost simultaneously flick it behind him back into play and into the hands of the aforementioned Stean Jnr, who took the ball under the posts to score. 19-27.
Full time saw another Lions loss, albeit one where every player could hold their heads up high. It would be harsh to blame it all on Walshie – but his record as captain reads played 2, lost 2 – is it time for him to pass on the mantle so that we can blame someone else?
Further disaster struck in the changing rooms as it was discovered there was no hot water left in the showers – the 1st XV having finished before us! – so much of the team took even longer than normal to psyche themselves up into getting changed. Next week sees the return fixture against Leicester Forest – let’s hope they have a few more older players than the last time we played them – or at least that we get a few players back from injury/vacation/not being ars*d to turn up.

5th March 2011 - Home v Ashby (10-14)

As we enter the business end of the season, a heavyweight clash at the top of division 5 awaited on a dank drizzly day in Blaby.
 A few regulars unavailable including the whole back row. Powelly unable to make the later kick-off time. Gareth and Leathers away, a rumour  circulated the changing room that they were in Blackpool but we now have confirmed sighting of both at the Justin Beiber concert. The working week proved too much for Dan (back in gainful employment after his gardening leave and world tour sabbatical) he needed the weekend to lie in a darkened room so he excused himself from procedures. The remaining squad gathered in the usual dribs and drabs as kick off approached, whilst the opposition were out eagerly  running through their drills. Our laissez-faire attitude has served us well all season,just because we inadvertently find ourselves top of the league it wasn't likely to change, and this week proved no exception.
 As we sat getting changed we were impressed Nango had secured a couple of new match balls but shirt situation remains dire, with no new benefactor coming forward and everyone vying for the half dozen shirts that fit, we may now be forced to contact a dodgy Middle Eastern regime as a sponsor, they are in need of a bit of good publicity, we are not too proud to accept.

With Powelly unavailable and Nango deciding to save himself for bigger fish a captain was required. someone to lead by example and take a measured articulate response to the ref, Walshie assumed the role.
 We kicked off with the drizzle still falling and underfoot conditions proving difficult. Ashby had the better of the early exchanges and Lions did well to soak up some early pressure on their line. The first line out proved controversial with Tudgy throwing in the straightest ball he's thrown in three years, a perfectly timed jump from Cooky the ref blew for not straight. Was this to be a sign of things to come it even drew an exasperated harrumph  from Tudgy. Lions having soaked up the early pressure were now beginning to come into their own, with dominance in the scrums we forced the Ashby hooker (more of him to come)to  leave the field temporarily for a squirt of his inhaler the signs looked good. Unfortunately miscommunication between Matt Gardner and the back row left a sizeable gap that Ashby gratefully accepted and with a four on two overlap finished well. Conversion added (0-7).
 Following this setback we reasserted our dominance but were struggling to finish the good work, Colonel clearly more of a thoroughbred needed good to soft ground and was struggling to keep his footing. With Joe's box of tricks also failing to fire this week frustration was beginning to show. Buster managed a fine pirouette and shimmy to avoid contact, that Natalie Portman herself would have been proud of. Ashby tackled tenaciously throughout but their defences were finally breached on the stroke of half time following some sleight of hand from Stu and strong running from Iain, when finally brought down, Cooky recycled quickly and with Stu's help drove over to score. Conversion missed half time (5-7).
 A couple of half time changes Stan for Tudgy and Togga for Buster. Nango still keeping a few cards up his sleeve. Although unsure of a few of the ref's interpretations we were still confident of victory. However the second half proved to be a very frustrating affair for the Lions with the ref’s interpretations baffling and not applied consistently. We called on our skipper to question the ref for a bit of clarity, Walshie's you've got to be f******* kidding (the measured articulate response Nango was looking for) costing us a further ten yards from the penalty already conceded, and still no clue to the ref's motives. With penalty after penalty conceded Ashby were finding themselves deep in Lions territory and with yet another dubiously awarded penalty Ashby took a quick tap and found us napping to cross over for a second try, conversion followed (5-14).
 With  the Lions players now losing their heads a bit, it's perhaps time  to reflect on some of the truisms in life. 1, Girls in Newcastle go out in winter with far too few clothes on. 2, Iain will never go for a gap if there is contact to be had. 3, Some couples in Cornwall look far too much like each other, and other family members for this to be a coincidence. 4, Referees never change their decision and are even less likely to when being verbally abused. Lessons learnt back to the match.
 Ashby added a further penalty to their tally and successfully kicked to increase their lead (5-17). They then decided to employ any tactics they could to eat up time. At the next line out the asthmatic hooker threw his allergy of dogs into the mix and refused to take the line out until Mick Walsh Snr had removed his dog from the touch line. Given that we were in  a open field of at least 3 acres, on a wet drizzly day and the dog in question was a short haired Labrador, hardly an Afghan hound, the asthmatic hooker was unlikely to break out in hives or develop full blown emphysema, but he stuck to his guns manfully and repeated the trick at each ensuing line out.
 Lions finally rallied and were rewarded with a try after a good scrum,  the ball moved to Ady Giles (on for Harry, Nango's final change of the day clearly he felt he would hold back himself and Wayne for bigger battles to come).  Ady made good ground and when tackled we recycled quickly  to Walshie who seemed destined to score after charging to the line and even throwing in a side step (honestly) before his legs and fitness gave way.  Rich Alexander following up benefited from one of the few decisions to go our way when he gathered the ball from a questionable knock on to score under the posts. Another kick missed (10-17). Ashby were able to hold on for the final few minutes chiefly by holding meetings the W I would be proud of before each set piece to waste a a bit more time. Final score (10-17).
 Rich Alexander pipped Cooky to the man of the match award for Lions as he went to fetch the tea from Rita. We had to concede it was an excellent defensive display by Ashby who hardly missed a first up tackle all day and thus achieved the double over us this season.

26th February 2011 - Away v Aylestone St James (7-36)

The twice postponed game against the league leaders had been eagerly awaited by players and fans alike. A glance at the updated league table showed the Lions Vets in second place two points behind Jimmies. A win today and Lions could go top.
 About half the squad chose to meet in Blaby, but they were delayed in setting off to Scraptoft because the Captain’s limo was rerouted by a phone call from Walshie who needed a lift. When collected it was apparent that he was still seething somewhat from being tactically replaced last week by Min, mind last Saturday was his birthday, I think Togga knows how old he is.
Carcinogenic fractions within the fuel oil delivered to the wrong tank at Jimmies had led to the TLV of benzene in the changing rooms being several times over the safe limit (0.5ppm). Their good neighbours ‘Gate have opened their changing facilities to allow rugby to continue at Jimmies Covert Lane site. Wayne guided us safely into Stoneygate car park; there were three Jimmies teams at home, but not a red and white shirt anywhere.
The squad of twenty was now assembled, including Dave Allison who had not been seen since his headache after the first game of the season and Min who was completing his comeback today. The starting fifteen was selected and they prepared themselves for the game in the usual Vets manner.

From the kick off the Lions looked like a team determined to win, some great runs by forwards and backs alike got them into try scoring positions very early. A boots first tackle by Iain Dude Langridge could have resulted in a penalty to the opposition, but following a penalty awarded to them, a quick move saw Joe side step his way under the posts for a well deserved score which Adrian converted;  0-7. The celebration of the try was short lived as Ken limped off with a knee injury to be replaced by Walshie. A couple of rearrangements later and the game was able to continue. Joe’s second try was similar to his first, ignoring winger Earnie (Tom) he touched down to the right of the posts allowing Ady to add the extras. 0-14. Adrian missed his third kick at goal a penalty from about 30 metres out drifted wide to the right. Had it gone over it would have been only the fourth penalty goal of the season, a reflection of the running game the Lions are playing. Jimmies made a substitution at this point, someone called Sumo came on who had apparently been playing in the first team game. It didn’t make any difference. Shortly after this, a kick for Tom to chase found the winger just a couple of metres short of being first to the ball, this effort may have warranted an adjustment to his pacemaker! Joe, ignoring his winger for a third time, got his hat trick inside the first half. The two points were provided by Ady again and the score at half time was 0-21. I say half time, under normal vets conditions we would have been well into the second half at this point.
Nango made some changes during the interval, Stan on for Tudgy, Min for Buster (probably to his relief after a nasty blow in the ribs about thirty five minutes in). What happened to oranges at half time, like those warm-ups where you counted to ten in very load voices and after match tea, they just seemed to disappear.
The second half commenced with Lions now up a slight incline and into a breeze. Soon after the kick off a move saw Big Matt make a five metre dash with people on the touch line shouting “kick it”, he didn’t and ground was made. A stray boot in a ruck necessitated a blood replacement and as Buster tended to Iains gory nose, Dave Allison made his come back on the wing (Nango didn’t want to participate this afternoon and took to management and journalism). Shortly after with his snout blood-free he re-entered the fray with Tom making way. Another opposition substitution and another first team player; it didn’t make any difference. Shortly after his entrance he dropped the ball in a tackle which was pounced upon by Joe who passed to Iain for his first try. Conversion missed. 0-26. “ A tactically perfect Gardner kick” according to Razor saw the Lions get close to the Jimmies line but sadly no further. Jimmies brought on their third first team substitute and Lions switched in Matt Beavan for Adrian. According to Matt, insurance is not valid if you play one game straight after another; he starts as an actuary on Monday, probably for the same company as Quelchie. Jimmies now hit some form and despite a superb last ditched tackle by Charlie on the big, blonde second row, they found their way to the line and converted the touchdown to make the score 7-26. Tom made his way back onto the pitch to replace the injured Leathers and Wayne took over prop duty from Chris, a quick penalty later and Beavan was touching down for the Vets fifth try. He somewhat grubbed his attempt to convert his own try! 7-31. Jimmies hit another short period of form, but great defending, particularly by Charlie at fifteen. The away side made one final break which resulted in a second try for the dude with the damaged proboscis and the 99th this season for the Lions. Matt missed the conversion, final score 7-36. It was a good afternoon out and another superb performance by the vets, splendidly led today by Lee Powell.
The down side of the proceedings was a splintered team who went in different directions post match, so no communal drinking this week. Oh yes if you didn’t pay your match fee, bring it next week.
The win puts the Lions at the top of the table courtesy of points difference following today’s big win. Well done lads.

19th February 2011 - Away v Aylestonians (12-41)

Understandably fed up with having to dredge up unending witticisms and journalistic insights for a demanding public, Mr Winsland has handed over the match report duties over to me this week – although he kindly provided me with paper and two(!) pens to make notes. He did warn me, though, that the more I wrote down, the longer the report would end up being – there’s no fooling him!
Despite road works on the A47 and around Fosse Park, the team finally managed to get to the away ground in plenty of time for the 2.30 kick off. This was lucky as the changing rooms were so small that we could barely fit 15 players at one time, let alone the 22 Nango had managed to get together. Our erstwhile captain had plodded his way to the ground on foot due to the proximity of his abode – with two cars of our players kindly driving straight past waving, instead of offering him a lift. One player keen for his first appearance since (well, so long ago no-one can be sure of the exact date) was Min, who managed to squeeze into the number 9 shirt normally reserved for our colt players. With Dan finally managing to secure the team valuables in Lee’s car, despite struggling with the advanced  locking mechanism (the key), we plodded out to the pitch ready to face the opposition.

First half

The match started scrappily for the Lions despite dominating possession: try scoring machine Matt Bevan had the ball knocked out of his hands by a last ditch tackle from the opposition just as he was about to score; from the resulting line out Lee decided to kick away possession (badly) and from the first scrum - which Lions dominated throughout the match despite missing our two regular second rows Rich (man flu) and Little Cookie (jammy leg/ankle) - Buster proved it wasn’t just Matt G he didn’t like with a wayward  pass that Adrian would have had to stretch his arms to twice their normal length to collect. Added to this, another dropped ball just before the tryline by our ring rusty captain Nango led the crowd of replacements on the touchline to get anxious. We were especially concerned by Tom Earnshaw whose cow heart seems to have developed a severe form of Tourettes – with a colourful dialogue to say the least peppering every other word that came out of his mouth.
Five minutes in and the Lions forward dominance paid dividends. Stu Watson (jumping at number two in the line instead of the aforementioned absent Little Cookie) stole an opposition line out and a fine rolling maul finally led to a deserved opening try from Lee in the right hand corner. Conversion missed 0-5.
Despite James Earnshaw drawing the referee’s attention to a miss throw at the next lineout ( shouting “Oh for f...’s sake” not the subtlest sign when the ball left his hand), Lions won another scrum and Matt Bevan managed to score from the half way line, having jinked his way past at least 6 players in the process. Adrian converted 0-12
From the resulting kick off, Iain (drafted in as second row instead of his normal wing – good job he likes his pies) caught the ball and ran the length of the pitch to score in the right hand corner – he almost considered going around their full back, but chose his normal barge into the player as normal. Conversion missed 0- 17.
Not to be outdone, Colonel took the ball at pace from within our 22m line and danced around some flailing Aylestonians to score in the left hand corner. Conversion missed 0-22
Spurred by their coach on the sideline, carrying a spiffy clipboard  - clearly taking his coaching role seriously – Stones rallied and ended the half strongly with only a last ditch effort from Nango and their winger dropping the ball when he was already over the try line preventing two certain tries for the home team.
A strong tackle by Stu meant an early end to the opposition number 9’s game. He obviously wasn’t popular with his teammates as it took two of our replacements to treat him and carry him from the pitch. After the restart, Tudgey set up a roiling maul from the 22m leading to another push over try for Lee – conversion missed 0-27.

Second half

Half time saw Nango ringing the changes, keen to keep his players fresh for the run in, no doubt: Togga for Buster, Matt C for Chris, Harry for Dan and Tom for his brother James. There was still no sign of our secret weapon Min, however, who was struggling to breathe in his skin tight shirt.
Whatever the opposition coach had written on his clipboard had obviously worked. Stones came on strong, driving through the forwards to score two tries in quick succession 7-27 and 12-27.
With ears ringing from the eloquent and vociferous Lee and Ken, the Lions regained some of their drive missing since the start of the second half and after the referee spotted an infringement from the kick off Stan drove the ball up to the Stones line only for try poacher extraordinaire Lee to drop over the line for his third try – converted by Adrian 12 – 34.
Having to rely on Buster’s notes for the second half, having taken the field, I suspect the watching crowd were not impressed by the general standard in the second half.  His notes mainly consist of “poor line”, “poor ball”, “poor hands drop ball”. Luckily no-one had to pay for their ticket. The crowd on the touchline continued to entertain themselves with Iain pointing out to the recently arrived Little Cookie that he would struggle to get his place back due to his amazing debut in the second row.
At this point, Lions must have actually started to turn things on again as James (having returned to the pitch for an unhappy Walshie) produced a moment of magic – well, in his eyes, anyway. Taking the ball under his left arm he handed off their full back and ran(?) the 50m (well, 5m at least)  to their try line, where he was about to put the ball down before his brother kindly reminded him to go “under the posts” to aid in the conversion, duly made to take the scores to 12 – 41.
The final minutes of the half saw a continuation of the crowd’s advice to the referee (mainly from Walshie), Dan actually catching a ball and the introduction of Min for the final few minutes. Not daunted by his long layoff, he assures us he will be back again – possibly even next week to add another 12 minutes to his belt. Perhaps by the end of the season, he will be up to a half... or perhaps not.
With the last play of the match, Andy Winsland made a fantastic try saving tackle to keep the final score at 12-41. With the time he has saved by having me write the match report, we look forward to the website he has undoubtedly developed to cover this tackle mytry-savingtackle.com
So another week rolls by with another win under our belts – that’s seven in a row. On a personal note, Rich and Little Cookie’s absence means I only have to knobble Buster and Tudgey to be the only ever present in the team this season. On a more worrying note, is our Fijian try-scoring machine, Joe, finally feeling the pace due to the less than temperate Leicester climate? Perhaps it is time to introduce him to Stotty’s House of Pain™ warm ups. If we don’t, we stand the risk of never hearing the end of it from Stu, when he finally beats his total tries scored.
We are also considering changing Matt Bevan’s name on the teamsheet from now on to ensure that teams higher up in the club do not look to take advantage of our only current international. Either that or we will be demanding a supply of the hot chocolate drink he quaffs post-match and analysing it for any possible health benefits for the wider team.

12th February 2011 - Home v Hinckley (68-12)

After chalking up a good away against Hinckley’s presidents XV only a fortnight earlier it was not time to play Hinckley’s Vets side, this time at home. Once again the Lions changing room was crowded as the continued winning streak encouraged more players to flock to Nango’s squad. The threatening rain clouds had drifted away and it was in early weak spring sunshine that the game began, the visitors had the best of the early pressure and it became apparent that the referee was quite fond of his whistle as he discovered countless indiscretions from both sides. Lions first foray in to the visitors half came about after Colonel seized the opportunity to take a quick line out to release the deceptively quick Adrian Gyles and when the versatile back was eventually stopped close to the line Rich was on hand to pop the ball down under the posts, Adrian adding the conversion for a (7-0) start. More penalties spied by the ref allowed the Visitors to secure good ground in the form of a line out and a score quickly followed, (7-5). An extended break in play followed after an injury in the Hinckley front row required Stan to step in for the opposition. When play resumed Lions were on the front foot and a trademark Iain Langridge crashing run took play from the wing to the centre of the pitch as he sought out contact (had he stayed on his wing he had a clear run at the line). When eventually stopped the ball was recycled quickly and after beating a couple of defenders and despite the current criticism of such antics promptly finished with a flourish as he swallowed dived for the score, Adrian with the extra points, (14-5).
Our eagle eyed ref spotted a visitors hand stray in to the ruck and Stu Watson took a quick tap, Matt Gardner and Rich both made good ground before releasing Matt Bevan for a score and another conversion for Adrian (21-5). Another Hinckley injury and as the stricken player sought assistance with his dislodged digit Lions crossed for another score, this time Stu picking up loose ball as it squirted from the side of Hinckley scrum, with Adrian adding another 2, (28-5). The final play of the half was the most surprising – a big tackle from the normally contact shy Gardner!

2nd Half and the Lions two hookers changed sides, this time Tudgy joining the opposition and Powelly making way for Tom Earnshaw. Lions continued to have the momentum and after a move that saw most of the back division handle the ball Adrian managed to run the ball in from the halfway line but failed to convert his own try (33-5). A further was added shortly after when Matt Bevan took advantage of another quick pen from Stu, Adrian finding his range again ( 40-5). The next action was a response from Hinckley, the previously faultless Lions backs had a communication failure and a ball was allowed to bounce loose in the 22 and seized for a score (40-12). An injury to Little Cookie saw Nango enter the fray on the wing and Iain move in to the pack (Daniel, had been due to enter play but disappeared from the touchline). The game ended with a procession of scores from the backs; Stu Watson (47-12), Matt Bevan (54-12), Matt Bevan (61-12) & finally Colonel (68-12). A high try count and for once, Joe, our resident scoring machine had failed to register! Adrian’s kicking also worthy of note, managing a commendable 9 out of 10.

5th February 2011 - Away v Vipers (10-41)

With a winning streak stretching back to mid November and having already registered a victory over today’s opposition earlier in the season it was with some justified optimism that Lions made the short journey down the Blaby By-pass for the league game with Vipers. Once again Nango had managed to amass a huge squad and the unseemly scramble for shirts saw Leathers wriggling in to the No9 shirt last worn by Ethan Phillips (one of Bobby’s colts) a year earlier. The ill fitting shirts proving to be an ever-increasing problem as the team continues to grow in girth.

Anyway, to the game; Lions kicked off with the advantage of a tremendous gale to their backs but despite this obvious benefit it was Vipers who made the better start, taking scrum ball against the head at will. Vipers attacked with purpose and a total absence of tackles saw ex-Lion Aidy Smith pop up on the wing to give the home side a 5-0 lead. Lions responded quickly, a good run with another Aidy – Gyles this time, brought play to the Vipers 22 with a strong and elusive run, some sustained pressure, a desperate clearance kick retrieved by Harry and a score for Joe in the corner 5-5. The following passage of play saw Charlie fail to return to play after a last ditch tackle from full back, whilst Daniel stripped from his drill top in preparation to join play, Togga, “Ninja like” slipped on to the field ahead of him. Nango’s instinct to introduce Togga was rewarded instantly when the elusive silver fox found himself over the line for score after powerful running from Iain & Adrian 5-10. Vipers countered, returning the ball deep in to Lions half, a maul ensued and whilst forwards frantically fought for the ball a cry from the ref: “Number Six, what are you up to?” brought play to an abrupt halt, Stu Watson, suitable remorseful retired with his team mates to defend a penalty, the consequence of his indiscretion. This was Vipers last attacking opportunity of the half as Lions found an extra gear and began to turn the screw, a second Togga score followed, this time converted with aplomb by Adrian 5-17. The final action of note in the half was probably the most bizarre, Matt Gardner had found a gap and displayed pace not normally associated with our stout stand off, with the line beckoning and the defence beaten he brought himself to an unexpected halt and preceded to drop the ball on the floor, much to the chagrin of the Lions support gathered on the side line. 

Second half saw Stan replace Baz Tudge, a man (according to Neil Hall) in the twilight of his rugby career since the late 70’s and Daniel for Harry. It wasn’t long before Lions added to their score, this time Joe again, ending a wonderful move developed by Matt Gardner 5-24, shortly after both Adrian and Joe had danced through the home defence Stu Watson was on hand to cross the line not before a fierce hand off on the final defender, 5-29. Passive scrums, a consequence of an injury in Vipers front row allowed Nango to introduce some pace in to the pack as Tom & Winsland replaced Rich & Little Cookie. The change appeared to have backfired when Vipers found themselves crossing the line for another unconverted score after some unfortunate tackling 10-29. Tries for both Tom & Ken sealed a very good victory, 10-34 & 10-41 respectively. The run continues and we all look forward to Hinckley next week.

21st January 2011 - Away v Hinckley (0-29)

Nango had managed to assemble another strong squad for this friendly fixture against Hinckley's Presidents XV and despite failing to register a win at Leicester Road since January 2008 Lions arrived at the ground in confident mood. Fears of another game being lost to the frost had been allayed after the Hinckley grounds staff had completed an early pitch inspection and announced the game on however the arrival of Canterbury for their National 2 Fixture with Hinckley looked to scupper our plans. After surveying the ground at kick off time Hinckley's top team & the Kentish side found their designated pitch not to their liking Lions found themselves usurped from their nominated playing field leaving an unpalatable set of options; a game on the gigantic frozen first team pitch or no game at all. Opinion was split, the usual suspects had already began to repack kit and headed for the changing room exit before an inspired sole from the Hinckley ground staff came up with the idea of coning off the pitch creating a more manageable sized pitch and removing the worst of the frost from play.

And the game began.........

In a dominant first half showing Lions starved the home side of ball and territory producing scores for Iain, running it in from half way, Matt G with the kick (0-7) and Powelly this time from a push over at short range (0-12). The second half began with both sides making personnel changes but brought little relief for Hinckley and shortly after the restart Powelly managed a second score after emerging over the line with the ball after forwards pile up (0-17). Another ruck at the Hinckley line and another score this time it was Chris Johnson emerging with the ball, Adrian taking over kicking duties added the extra 2 (0-24). Lions saved the best until last when shortly before the final whistle Charlie managed a solo effort score, running the ball from deep in his own half whilst elude the desperate attempts to tackle him from men half his age (0-29).

A good performance and excellent result, the only other noteworthy items; Daniel electing to attend a distant relatives 21st in preference to the game, the return of Winsland for his first run out of the campaign and a sighting of both Walsh brothers on the touchline.

8th January 2011 - Away v Birstall (14-64)
Not since Jonah Lomu destroyed England in 1995 in Cape Town has rugby seen an individual performance such as that witnessed this week at Stonehill Avenue Birstall, Matt Bevan wrote a famous chapter in Leicester Lions Vets rugby history by scoring seven tries in a 14-64 away victory against a youthful Birstall side. With speed and agility in abundance Bevan persecuted Birstall’s defence from the first whistle, touching down for no less than seven tries.
For their first game since mid-December Nango had managed to assemble a reasonably large squad, which was to prove invaluable as the opposition had found themselves a couple of players down, Stan & Wayne gallantly electing to bolster their numbers. So on a cold clear and blustery midwinter’s day the game began. Bevan having previously played on the backrow was selected at centre and his first act was a good early tackle, his second action was a break from halfway and a score, 15 minutes later he has secured his hatrick and Lions had secured a solid lead (0-19).

Birstall responded with a well worked converted score of their own (7-19) before Bevan added his fourth try of the game after good work from Joe (7-26). In a half dominated so much by one man the only other notable action was a 40m charge from Iain who during his gallop up the pitch managed to bounce seven defenders.
At halftime Nango made a number of changes including a debut for Ben, I think we have Leathers to thank for this latest addition to the squad. (Lancaster Mafia taking over me thinks) his first touch showed we’d turned up another gem after taking a high ball he followed it up with decent run and distribution. It wasn’t long before Lions found the try line again after Matt Gardner made a timely interception in his 22, despite appearances the generously proportioned stand off showed good speed and after interplay with Joe & Matt Bevan, the ball ended up over the opposition line and Bevan gifting Joe an easy score.(7-33). With a comfortable lead established Lions lost their focus and began to bicker amongst themselves as poor decision making opened up the game for the home side and only some excellent tackles from Harry & Powelly prevented scores. Another brace of tries from Matt Bevan quickly steadied the ship, (7-38, 7-45) this was quickly followed by a scores for Matt Gardner created by Joe (7-50). After a lovely long range score from Iain Langridge was called back for offside Matt Bevan delivered his seventh try of the game (7-57). Quick thinking and a tap and go penalty in the dying moments resulted in Birstall smuggling the ball over the try line allowing the ref to award a slightly generous score. Full time was greeted by new boy Ben capping off a fine first appearance with Lions 10th try (14-64).

11th December 2010 - Home v Aylestonians (82-0)
After a two week enforced layoff due to the weather, Lions welcomed back Aylestonians,to Westleigh Park for a second time this season and after scraping home by the single point at the beginning of the season a difficult game was anticipated for this important league fixture. Whilst the break had given the elderly Lions opportunity to recover from niggles and other age related ailments (Powelly returning from long term injury and Iain & Matt also back) the same could not be said for the visitors who arrived with a much reduced squad, our esteemed leader pressed both Big Matt and Rich in to service for the Knighton Lane East outfit to ensure the fixture could be fulfilled. From the first whistle it became clear that the points would be safe as Lions wasted no time blowing off the cobwebs and produced a fine attacking display; securing the ball from the first kick off Little Cookie drove forward and was able to distribute before contact and Harry coasted in for a score (5-0), a second score followed moments later when Matt G managed a score after creating a big gap for himself down the blindside (10-0), the third try came when Iain, starting in his own half bowled over 4 defenders in his usual abrasive manner (15-0). The fourth score and the first to be converted was provided by Charlie also from his own half (22-0). With the opposition in desperate straits and the game almost certainly already lost 2 more Aylestonians players arrived and after quickly changing at the side of the pitch joined the game as Charlie got his second score (27-0). The half continued with Lions continuing to cross the white wash with metronomic regularity;
Try Iain, Conversion Joe (34-0)
Charlie Try & Conversion (41-0)
Joe Try & Conversion (48-0)
Try Iain, Conversion Joe (55-0)
Try Stu, Conversion Joe (62-0)
Matt G off with recurrence of calf problem
Try Stu (67-0)
Half time!

Despite the thumping experienced in the first half Aylestonians had managed to regroup and began to take the game to Lions, enjoying extended spells of possession and threatening a score. As the half wore on Lions began to regain the momentum and ended the game with scores for Ken, kick provided by Joe (74-0), Joe, try & kick (81-0) and finally Gareth however before the conversion for Gareth’s kick was taken the ref blew the final whistle. Somehow the final score according to the Leicestershire RFU ended up as 82-0, whilst the 3 league points are most welcome and some of the inter-play offered by the backs provided some entertainment for the small band of partisan fans as a spectacle it was an unsatisfactory end to 2010.
 

13th November 2010 - Away v Ashby (40-14)

The match reporter arrived late to this fixture to find Lions 14-7 down and under pressure, a short conversation with the gathered spectators established that Lions had found it difficult to string 2 passes together and were getting the worst of some poor refereeing, that Ken had broken one of the Ashby props and that Buster and Matt G had been standing too far apart for the former to reach the latter with his pass. Whilst still deep in conversation, Ashby proceeded to cross the line for a further score (26-7).Our try apparently scored by Joe (I'll assume a solo effort) was converted by Adrian. For the remaining moments of the first half Lions brutalised the gargantuan Ashby pack - they had a bloke that dwarfed Big Matt - and not the svelte Matt gracing the pitch this season, I'm talking about the Old pre Atkins Matt. 

The second half got off to a good start with adeserved score for Colonel, crahing through in his inimitable style and Adrian was able to add the extra points (26-14). What followed was some concerted Lions pressure, the scrum pushing the heavier Ashby pack all over the park and Ken appeared to break another prop, despite this dominance the referee took every opportunity to penalise Lions in the tight with some inexplicable and dubious freekicks and penalties.On one occasion with Lions pushing the homeside backwards at a rate of knots over their own line,Big Matt was pinged for coming up??? and on another with a score certain, the ref allowed the fringing Ashby backrow envelope Buster at the base of his own scrum - bizarre, this particular play had Sharpie apopletic on the side lines. The ref appeared to be under assesment so the small comfort to be had will be the report - a copy of which I imagine would make a decent read. Despite my clear disappointment in the official this does not in anyway take anything away from the performance of the homeside who finished the game with some aplomb, a well worked score from the backs (33-14) and a breakaway with passing at full pace (40-14) secured their victory. 

6th November 2010 - Home v Melton Mowbray (36-0)

Nango was able to field a strong line up for this friendly fixture against the current league leaders and from the referee's first whistle imposed themselves on the visitors. Good movement amongst the backs was complimented by the power from the pack and an early scoring opportunity went begging when Stu Watson, guesting at 8 in the absence of the injured Walshy, managed to fumble a ball forward on the line after a scrum taken against the head. The spectators disappointment was shortlived when Bull crashed over from short range to open the scoring, the normally precise Adrian finding his conversion attempt landing nearer the sideline than posts (5-0). A brief foray in to Lion's half from the Melton backline was abruptly ended when Adrian recovered loose ball and set off on a dazzling run, relesing his support runner Joe who in turn found Colonel at pace, the strong running centre hita gap and found the line untouched, this time Adrian's kicked disected the posts (12-0). The next score for Lions saw forwards and backs combined beautifully for Joe to touch down and Adrian add the extras (19-0). The best score of the game followed shortly afterwards, Iain Langridge crashed through in his inimitable style, his pass found Colonel who whilst enveloped by tacklers and about to be up-ended was able to release a one handed pass to the on rushing Joe, another conversion from Adrian kept the score ticking over (26-0). Melton's shell shocked defenders welcomed the halftime whistle.

The second half began with continued Lions pressure, a strong run from Bull up the narrow side and further assaults on the Visitor's line eventually brought another score after both Gareth & Charlie had been stopped short (31-0). A run from Wilba resulted in a score for Stu who was on hand to take the ball as his backrow partner was eventually stopped (36-0). By now, Melton could have been forgiven if they had capitulated however they now began to play, the remainder of the game saw the opposition on the front foot and flirting with a score - only solid defense and the referee's final whistle prevented a consolation.

30th October 2010 - Home v Vipers (24-17)

Following an enforced Saturday off due to Stoneygate's late cry off last week a local derby against  Vipers awaited us, a match which  in recent seasons we have had the upper hand. However, they came today with a big squad and 45minutes before kick off were all out running through their drills and generally seemed to be taking things seriously. With half our team over watching the 1st teams massacre of Manchester Nango was forced to ring everyone from the changing room to chivvy us along, this is as serious as it gets for us.
The initial 15 were announced the skipper was making a rare appearance from the start, due to Harry being on the lash in Leeds and Ian suffering a bout of  illness. (we could be mocking and call it man flu but with recent media reports about men not taking there health seriously and our poor record of late, we will give him the benefit of the doubt.) Tudgy was also in the starting 15 and for once not for the opposition.
The match kicked off with a comedy kick off from Matt which went 10 meters up but only 2 or 3 forward. A cagey start was was livened up with Dan playing at full back collected a kick through then counter attacking  side stepping two men before being brought down and making the ball available. The bewilderment in the crowd was palpable he even silenced Walshy's barking dog.
The ref then got a bit animated about not having a touch judge so with no one stepping forward the crowd started shouting subliminal messages to Nango, saying “ Stan will do it,Stan will do it” as Nango walked over he looked straight at Stan and detailed him to run touch. (it was with this sort of easy influencing and following the crowd that the credit crunch started and also how Hitler started. We would like to make it clear we don't hold Nango in any way responsible for the holocaust.) Back to the game. Lions began well and an early attack  saw a cheeky pass from Buster through his legs and as the ball went down the line we got flatter and flatter and over ran the ball in the corner. This pressure continued and was finally rewarded when  a quick tap from a free kick after feeding at the scrum saw us into the Vipers 22 quick ball from the ruck  came to Gozzo  who crashed his way over to get us started. Dan hit the post with the conversion (5-0). More pressure from Lions saw them gather a spilled ball from the Vipers backs Buster found Matt who found a bit of space and put Joe away to score under the posts (12-0).
Sadly this didn't spur us on to greater things, taking our foot of the gas Vipers were able to get back in the game with the aid of some inventive penalty decisions, Matt Gardner was even struggling to  manage his normal manipulation of the ref. So with the momentum and a few missed tackles the  inevitable Vipers score came (12-7) half time came with some relief to Lions in the end  after such a promising start.

Nango rang the changes with Leathers, Ken, Togga,Stan (relieved of his touch judge duties) and Smithy joining the fray, Stu moving to Scrum half after a shuffle round in the backs due to Dans shoulder injury.
Vipers started where they left off taking the initiative despite some booming tackles from Leathers and Stu. Vipers levelled the match then took the lead following some poor handling from Togga in our 22 (12-17) this finally galvanised us into action and with Leathers taking a grip of the forwards and Gozzo waking from his mid match slumbers we found some momentum again.  A forward break and then 2nd and even 3rd phase possession came out along the backs and Togga found Joe in space and he easily beat the Vipers defence in a foot race to the line (17-17). With us back on top we continued to attack mainly blunted due to the refs strange interpretations of the offside rule.  Stu was enjoying himself at scrum half and put in another huge hit before being forced to move into the centres when Matt hobbled off injured (calf).With the forwards maintaining their renewed vigour another strong passage of play saw us regain the lead with quick recycled ball from a line out and drive, Buster fed Togga who popped short to Stu he burst through a couple of tackles and was able to feed Gozzo who was in support and with a flamboyant dive scored his second of the day Joe stepped forward to add the conversion. (24-17)  Aside from an ill judged chip from Togga in the 22 forcing him to make a tackle to spare his blushes and a solid mark from Charlie which caused much debate in the bar after, ( it turns out along with the ref none of us know the rules)  we held out well to  complete the victory.
A good performance in patches from us, also in dispatches Matt Gardner  would like it noted  he put in two or three tackles which fulfils his quota  for the season. Back in the pool next week. 

23rd October 2010 - Away v Stoneygate - Away League Win

Stoneygate unable to fulfil the fixture 

16th October 2010 - Away v Leicester Forest (24-23)

On our away visit to Leicester Forest 4ths again we were greeted by a side that looked slightly younger  than our average age of 43 (see one of the match reports from say 2007) it may have increased slightly since then?
We were surprised to see some travelling support in the shape of the younger/older larger /smaller lighter/heavier I don’t know, Walshie/Welshie this is getting silly. Mick was reminiscing (maybe not) about his last visit to the ground when he broke his leg, and the classic quote of his when he looked down and noticed that it was a bit wonky of “it didn’t look right so I just lined it up with the tattoos on my leg”. Well hard.
The game at the time of writing is a bit of a blur but from memory (not necessarily my own) we dominated “up front” (Matt Cunningham) and they were quicker/younger in the backs, and when we kicked the ball to them they would run it straight back at us.
We were acquainted with the ref and knew not to question his decisions, unlike the opposition who were unable to hold their tongues and after about 15 mins their scrum half was binned for persistently  whinging, (one less youth for a while), during which time we (Joe) scored a great try, from outside  their 22; he crashed through a couple of defenders, weaving by a few more and gilding  the lily by side stepping 5 metres out before going over for the try, converted by Adrian Giles who earlier had slotted a penalty.
Later we were awarded a penalty try (world domination/forward domination whatever)   again converted by Adrian.
Just after the restart having given up possession - probably by kicking the ball away, their winger was flying down the their left wing avoiding a few tackles until Iain, covering from the opposite side, moving even quicker (is it a bird, is it plane, no it’s Iain) hit the winger taking him into touch, thence leaving him behind and carrying on into a wooden fence with an almighty crack breaking the bottom rung in two.
h/t   and we may have been leading 17-18. Maybe?
In the second half lots of stuff (you know stuff) went on, but things of note were few and far between, Harry, keeping up a family tradition, put in a couple of cracking tackles,( hold it, the dog’s just knocked my glasses off), I’m back; the ball was kicked to Iain in defence and, unlike him, instead of running  straight at the nearest member of the opposition he decided to kick for safety, but he kicked the ball across field to the waiting opposition who went straight down the line to score, much to the chagrin of Nango who was apoplectic (ap-o-plec-tic / overcome with anger/extremely indignant) on the line steam coming out of his arse, sorry ears.
So finally, with just minutes to go, good work up front (these forwards, aye) Paul Welsh/Walsh managed to force his way over to make it 24-23, with the conversion to come but no fairy tale ending with all 15 opposition players charging out at  Adrian who was unable to convert .

9th October 2010 - Home v Old Newts (34-5)

Lions walked out to find a large crowd had lined the pitch in readiness for their home league fixture against Newts, with both sides showing indifferent form so far a win was essential to kick start the season. Nango had managed to pull together a top draw set of backs, full of pace and guile. Newts, having arrived without a hooker found a willing collaborator in the form of the ever green Baz Tudge. The game began with a flurry of handling errors with Lions having the better of the early confrontations. Matt Gardner, blossoming in the 10 role post Puggy retirement had fitted a range finder to his left boot and from a central position 22 yds out dissected the posts to break the deadlock with the Vets first drop goal in about 5 years (3-0). The restart saw Lions again compressing the play in the visitors half and a short while later Colonel touched down for a score on the left after an attack down the right (8-0) Adrian failing to oblige with the extra two.
The resultant restart was only of note because it provided amusement to the spectators, whilst Little Cookie had taken the ball in excellent fashion his fellow pack members had opted to allow Newts easy access to his midrift, bundling him unceremoniously on to his arse and in to touch in an undignified heap, Little Cookie, the consummate professional dusted himself down and continued without remonstration to his absent colleagues.

A neck injury to Buster (should we start calling him sick note?) saw Stu Watson step in at scrum half, the break in play saw the opposition make a couple of changes of their own including their open side flanker electing to change his boots choosing to change to footwear of a distinctly pink hue. When play resumed Lions continued to press and a second drop goal attempt from Matt’s previously impeccable kicking display failed to produce the required outcome, the visitors fielding the kick and causing injury to Rich who, whilst on the bench attempted to retrieve the kick but instead managed to fall awkwardly, much to the amusement of the Big Cookie clan who in between eating buckets of sweets had chosen to torture the clumsy forward. The line out that followed saw Gozo catch and drive down the narrow side, popping a pass to Stu when his path was blocked and Stu in turn found Walshy who had followed the move in support and then unselfishly committed the last defender to allow Stu to pop over unopposed for his 5th consecutive score – is this a Vets record? (13-0) and half time.

The second half saw a more resolute Newts side and a first score was only prevented when the No8 was halted at the line. Lions responded well with Walshy & Colonel combining well to create a gap which an appreciative Leathers (what’s his real name) used to add the next score, Adrian having now found his range slotted the kick from the touch line (20-0). Shortly afterwards a dominant Lions pack took ball against the head in the opposition 22 and the recently arrived Togga fed Colonel who in turn found our South Sea Islander Joe in enough breathing space to gallop over for another score, Adrian now converting from the opposite touchline (27-0), the next score also resulted form another stolen scrum ball, Matt passing wide to Togga who cut back inside for a score under the posts to make it a bit easier for Adrian (34-0). The final word went to the Visitors, the previously mentioned pink booted forward found a gap and raced 40 yards eluding capture all the was to 5m line where he then popped the ball to a supporting back (34-5), the final whistle arrived and 3 desperately needed league points had been secured.

2nd October 2010 - Away v Melton Mowbray (22-12)

After an adventure of his own and some excellent help with directions from a lady in a Tesco Express (Nottingham Road) the match reporter arrived at Hosts Burton Road ground to find the game already in full swing with Lions in the ascendancy, deep in the home 22 and pressing. This however turned out to be an erroneous observation, after turning to the replacements for an update it turned out neither Stan, Rich or Ken could agree on the score but all confirmed that Melton were in fact leading. For thetwenty minutes of play prior to my arrival please refer to Melton match report for their interpretation of events =

http://www.pitchero.com/clubs/meltonmowbray/?primary=senior&secondary=matchreports&team_id=11642&report_id=85163
The remained of the half offered the gathered spectators little to enthuse over aside from a decent run from Daniel which resulted in a penalty and a wasted 8 man overlap.
And to the second half, despite several personnel changes by Nango it started in the same manner as what I can only imagine the first must have, an early scrum and quick Melton distribution saw a break from the centre, the young whippet evading tackles left & right during his 30ish metre dash - 22-0 after the conversion. From the restart Lions made good ground and received a free kick near the 22, Little Cookie took it upon himself to mount an attack, racing at the opposition he made good ground however his quick thinking had not been anticipated by the rest of the pack, he managed to hold on to the ball for what seemed an age until support eventually arrived, the ball was spun down the line exposing a huge gap in Melton's defence but ball failed to reach hand and a scoring opportunity went begging.

Melton spent the next few minutes camped on their own line until they recovered ruck ball and mounted an attack of their own, Harry making an excellent tackle to prevent another long range score for the home side. Lions continued to have the majority of possession & territory with Matt Gardner using his big boot to pin the opposition back and the Lions pack becoming increasingly dominant at the scrum. It was one such scrum that led to Lions first score, pushing Melton off their own ball Stu Watson managed to win the scramble for the loose ball and scored under the posts, Adrian Gyles slotting the conversion 22-7 and things looking up. Tails up another score seemed inevitable but dropped passes, excellent tackling and an errant Melton hands kept the score at bay (the errant hand also resulted in a binning for the home side).
Eventually the pack delivered a second try after mauling his way over the line Rich pirouetted clear of his assailants for a worthy score in the corner, Adrian only narrowly missing the kick (22-12). Despite good runs in the closing stages from Leathers, Iain, Harry & Nango another score wasn't forthcoming. Despite the disappointment of losing a tight league game Lions can take some solace in the fact that it is unlikely that the opposition will be this strong every week.

25th September 2010 - Home v Oadby Wyggs (17-48)

Alarm bells started ringing on arrival at the clubhouse to hear that he opposition Oadby Wyggs seconds, had got to the clubhouse early and were out at just after 2 running drills and warming up – there did seem a lot of youth on show. Do they get students playing for them or are they old colts? (20 year-olds).
Our Captain (Nango,) having played last week, was suffering again with a dodgy knee, and so decided to rest this week, asking Walshy to be captain, as he was the first week, but having viewed the opposition he declined the offer wanting to keep his record of Captained one-won one. So it was handed to your correspondent (Buster) to do the job. So to the changing room, Nango announcing the side with Colonel at fly half - did he volunteer? I think not! Also into the side, Mark a new recruit, who apparently played at Westleigh as a junior. Occupation Fire-fighter, so he must be fit! Don’t they have to do fitness tests? Partnering him in the centre, our new found islander, Joe.
So to our ‘warm-up’. Ten minutes before kick-off half the team out on the flood-lit pitch having an impromptu drop-goal competition. Turns out we don’t have a specialist in that department!
Now playing a young side, you would think that we would opt for one of the smaller pitches, but when challenged Nango insisted that they were all the same size. I am going to the top with this and will consult Malc Wright to get the definitive answer for next time. 
So, to the game. We did seem to start off well, a couple of times wheeling their scrum to gain some possession, but went down 5-0 after 10 minutes. On a personal note, looking outside of myself, Colonel must have played with Togger or Rich Cox the last time he played fly-half. As for my pass he did seem an awfully long way off I thought I may have to go back to my dam-busters pass which has served me well in the past. But after some persuasion he came closer.
Having gone down to the early score we came back well with Joe on his second good run in a couple of minutes rumbling right up to the line taking three defenders with him to register a great score converted by Dan. As predicted, because of their youth, they ran round us a couple of times to gain more scores. But we weren’t doing that badly with some good forward drives, especially from the three ‘W’s’, Wanker, Walshy, Wilbur and also Rich Alexander. In scoring his try, Joe unfortunately found a tugging hamstring and had to leave the field - Steve on the wing having departed earlier, (knee) an old injury. Matt Gardener, who was not expected and was standing on the line, got kitted up and stepped into the fray, which helped no end in the kick off department and offered more specialism at both fly half and at coaching the referee. Half time reached and the score was 7-22.
A few changes at half time, - Gozzo and Ken on, Stu to scrum half. The opposition getting another score before Stu managed to somehow snipe a good try, 12-27. At some point in between Matt introduced himself to Stu (tongue in cheek) as he was having a bit of trouble finding him with his pass. Standing on the line can be quite frustrating and it was certainly getting to Wayne as he was offering Matt advice about kick offs – Matt all round footballer, Wayne prop; work it out for yourself!  Back to the game, a great move down the right hand side involving a number of players ending with the industrious Gozzo going over for a great score. They’d scored a few points in between, 17-41. And towards the end of the game a final score from the opposition, 17-48.
There is still the feeling at ten minutes before kick- off that Puggy will come rushing in and put on that tatty red under vest hanging on one arm by only a few threads. If that’s the reason he retired perhaps we could club together to get him a new one.

18th September 2010 - Away v Market Harborough (21-29)

Second Saturday of the season already with one win and a squad of eight assembled at the home of the Lions for the trip to Market Harborough. The rest had opted to go direct so no worries there. At ten past two the eight arrived at Harborough to find some of their team mates patiently waiting in a complete lack of expectation of any big build-up to come. By half past the hour the full squad of eighteen had assembled. Having welcomed Steve, a new player last week, this week we were pleased to have Joe from Fiji in our team as well as the errant Gareth back in the fold. Chris Johnson was also making a late return from the summer recess having some poor excuse for his lack of presence against Aylestonians. Oh and Nango (your current correspondent) was also playing his first game having skived off last week with a bad knee.

At this instant it was Déjà vu all over again; “we only have one prop, can we borrow one of yours?” Matt, as mentioned in previous reports, was keyed up and ready to go. Ken and big Matt duly volunteered to play for the opposition (thanks fellahs) and we could thus avoid uncontested scrums, until ten minutes before the end anyway.
At two fifty the team had been selected and were of course, not surprised that the big build-up had never occurred. It was noticeable that heads continually turned to the changing room door at this time fully expecting Puggy to walk through at his former meeting time. Alas this legendary player will no longer be a part of the vet’s squad since he has hung up his boots: forever. We will miss you, mate.
A phone call a few minute prior to kick off removed another Lions player as Stu had a serious family crisis and had to withdraw and go back to Leicester. From a cast of thousands we went onto the pitch with one sub, Dan!
The game started poorly for the Leicester team, poor tackling meant that Harborough had the upper hand for much of the opening quarter scoring some good tries.....No one on the touch line produced any notes of the game, though Neil did take some photos and Gos turned up to join in the excitement. Without these who knows what happened? We lost 21-29 apparently, though even that is in doubt as they only kicked one conversion and no penalties. There is no doubt of the following; Nango made two try-saving tackles, Joe, our Pacific Islander had a superb debut scoring a try, Walshie did an unusual through the legs back pass to the full back who missed touch with the following kick, Tom Earnshaw scored a try, Market Harborough gave us a good player who scored a try when we went down to fourteen, Ady had his second good game at ten keeping up his 100% conversion rate, Dan played in the forwards, Ken hurt his back and Colonel is very welcome back in the vets. If you didn’t get a mention, then I am sorry maybe next week, but I have to go to bed. Night.

11th September 2010 - Home v Aylestonians (20-19)

So often the outcome of a game is wrapped up in a series of imponderables such as morale, preparation and of course availability, with Puggy now retired (we give him two weeks), Matt Gardner still cricketing, Stotty still arthritic and Togga, Powelly, Big Cookie, Chris Johnson, Harry & Winsland all sidelined by injuries sustained pre-season it was to Nango's great credit that he was able to field a very strong squad. With all the other Lions senior sides travelling to away fixtures the Vets took the opportunity to play on one of the top pitches allowing the substantial home support easy access to the bar. From the off the forwards bullied their opposite numbers, the pack had put the closed season to good use pushing the human body to the limit in an effort to expand their individual and collective girth and it was these additional pounds that dominated the set piece.

A series of poor kicks by the visitors allowed Lions to boss both possession and territory and despite dogged Aylestonian's defence Lions were eventually rewarded with Stu Watson emeging from the bottom of a pile up of bodies for a push over try, Daniel's attempted conversion saw the kicking tee travel further than the ball (5-0). Shortly after Adrain Gyles promoted to stand off, slotted a penalty from the 22 (8-0). With the visitors struggling to mount an effect attack they fell further behind as Lions continued to press and Walshy produced a score from a push over, the No.8 flopping over the line after his pack had driven the visitors backwards over their own line at pace, with Adrian adding a confident conversion (15-0) everything was looking very positive. The assured start to the new season continued with Wilba and Little Cookie stealing lineout ball at will and good running from both Colonel & Iain in the centres continually placing the visitors on the back foot and when debutant Steve Harris poached a score from the right wing the victory appeared secure despite the inexplicable decision to allow Daniel to resume kicking duties - driving his kick both short and wide of the posts (20-0). A long range penalty as half time approached allowed the self professed long range kicking expert Iain an opportunity to add a further 3 points however he proved to have qualified from the same kicking school as Daniel and the scoreboard remained as before.

The ref's whistle arrived and sitting on an unassailable lead Nango juggled his side, off came Buster, Sharpy, Little Cookie & Tudgy, making way for Ken, Dave, Rich & the Caveman choosing to save himself for next week. The second half began and with tails up Lions again found themselves close to the oppostion line but an early injury to Dave Alison disrupted Lions attack, Little Cookie was forced to return to the game once it had become apparent the Dave would be unable to continue.Aylestonians had made good use of the break making several changes of their own but not just in personnel, the side that took the field for the second half brought with it some determination that had been lacking previously. A loose attacking pass from Lions saw Aylestonians mount a break out, a certain score only prevented when Daniel having waited some 20+ years decided to make a text book tackle, the ball carrier, cut in half, spilled the ball and lay prostrate for several minutes. For those of you who have followed Daniel's career closely over the years and witnessed his patented slide tackle, high tackle, two footed lunge and fly hack's that have seen him removed from a game either forcibly by a ref or for his own safety by his captain this was a real collectors piece, one which our chunky wing / full back will happily discuss for years to come in the bar however this was a rare interlude as Aylestonians camped out in the Lions half and began to benefit from more and more Lion's indiscretions being seized upon by the ever popular South Leicester official.Tap and go - Try (20-7), tap ang go - try (20-14), Aylestonians were rampant and a third score duly followed, the missed conversion securing a home win (20-19) and a halt to an opening day losing streak stretching back to September 2005.