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Hastings & Bexhill Invitation Tournament, Saturday 5th April 2008 Match 1 Hastings & Bexhill An apprehensive Lions side took to the pitch, with one eye on the Hastings second team that were lining up against us and a general fear that we were being stitched up in the tournament. From our 2007 visit we knew to watch the fast full back and his wingers and also the scrum capped number 8 looked like a handful. From the kick off it was clear that the 30 minute game time would only increase the intensity and Hasting brought the ball straight back to us. Some dynamic running from Vets debutant Nigel Prothero, whose legs were as fresh as his jokes were stale, led to Lions gaining some decent ground and Tom, having risen Lazarus like from his previous week’s bout of man flu, was able to capitalise on this by scoring a try. The next variant on the rules became apparent as Tom had to try to drop kick a conversion from the 22, which he missed. Following the restart we were again able to starve Hastings of the ball some hard running from the pack and positive ball handling from the backs led to Adam Cryar, playing his annual game for the Vets, scoring an unconverted try. 
The game saw the introduction, after ten minutes, of Andy Winsland’s new tactic of standing like a statue and waiting for the tacklers to come to him, which he explained was to suck in two or three defenders and create space for the rest of the team. To the inexperienced eyes of the rest of the team it just looked like he had run out of puff but then that shows what do we know?
Whilst Lions went into half time ten points up they were under no illusion that Hastings would just roll over and die. Sure enough, as the second half started Hastings attacked with renewed intensity and the Lions defence had to be on the very top of its game. In the absence of Paul Pugh, who was needed at his flower shop to cope with the traditional Saint Jean-Baptiste de La Salle’s day rush, Matt Gardener lined up at fly half. Matt’s cannon-like boot was to clear the lines on several occasions, making forty to fifty yards with each kick. Unfortunately one of these kicks did miss touch and fell down the throat of the aforementioned nippy Hastings backline who were able to run the ball back and the scrum capped eight was able to score.
With the score now at 10-5 and a converted try being enough to change the result, the nervous atmosphere around the pitch increased. Clearly the intensity got too much for one of the Hastings players who managed to throw up on the pitch, giving all players an area to avoid. Lions were able to calm their nerves too, with Togga quickly passing a well won line out ball to Matt Gardner who, with his radar now switched on, was able to sink a 30 yard drop goal from the angle and put the result beyond any doubt. Hastings were not able to come back from this and the final score was 13-5.
Match 2 Robertsbridge Having recovered from the shock of finding out we had three games to play and the second shock of winning the first game, we now had the task of taking on the might of Robertsbridge. Robertsbridge is a village in East Sussex, England, and is part of the civil parish of Salehurst and Robertsbridge, which has a total population of 2,600.. It is approximately 16 km (10 miles) north of Hastings and 13 miles southeast of Tunbridge Wells. The River Rother passes through the village.
The village is thought to date back to 1176 when a Cistercian abbey was founded there by the Abbott, Robert de St Martin. When a market charter was granted in 1198 by Richard I to 'Robertsbridge' Pons Roberti in Latin) it was the first recorded use of the name. The abbey was dissolved in 1538; however, the town flourished, and many of the oldest existing houses in the village date from the 14th and 15th centuries
Following that brief history lesson back to proceedings. We were able to make wholesale changes in the pack due to our large squad, but not so blessed in the backs Stu came on at scrum half and Nango gave way for little Cooky, Togga reverted to center and took up the captaincy for this vital encounter. Expecting some lowdown on the opposition from our spotter Buster this was not to be, as he had caught a chill on the touchline and retreated to the clubhouse to pop his 20th Beechams of the day. 
The game kicked off and started at a furious pace with Robertsbridge living up to their motto Minorianus Numquam Faciunt Minores (never underestimate the minnow) Lions appeared to be more of a Fattius Oldius Slowius at this stage but got to grips quickly and were able to gain some possession. With Nigel again showing up well taking the ball on and invariably making the gain line with interest. It was that man Prothero who opened the scoring after good work from the backs, recycling the ball quickly he found a gap through the defence to score, even more importantly he managed to follow this with the drop goal conversion from the 22 .
Robertsbridge keen to strike back quickly applied the pressure which we soaked up well only for the obligatory missed kick to touch find their speedy backs that exposed our lack of pace. With the conversion missed we found ourselves narrowly ahead at half time 7-5. These short halves suiting our lack of fitness much the better we felt confident we could do a job in the second half. This proved to be the case with our customary solid scrummaging coming to the fore. Going on an offensive charm with the ref helped also. A sharp break from Adam down the left gained 60metres just failing to get that final pass away to Togga in support. Our second try came when Matt Gardner kicked into space behind the oppo backs, their full back fumbling badly allowed Matt who remarkably was following up his kick to get a further boot on the ball and touch down in the corner. With our drop goal specialist on the ball the rest of the team relaxed expecting it to go sailing through the post to give us a bit of a cushion. We watched on in horror to see him skew it wide, work still to do. Robertsbridge replied with a score of their own, find our backs flat they kicked behind us and sadly our speed was no match in the footrace to the line. Conversion successful the scores level it was game on with five minutes to go. We piled the pressure on two drives near the line being held up, a penalty was awarded with two minutes to go. Togga (your current correspondent) made the contentious decision to go for goal. Reasoning that it was a tournament and therefore prizes up for grabs, rather than a conventional tour game and so the long held unwritten rule of tours, that no kicking was allowed didn’t apply in this case. I feel further vindicated in finding out that a deciding game may have been needed to settle the tournament, which surely would have been a game too far for our ailing bodies.
With the decision made of course we needed to sink the penalty and Matt Gardner was called upon to atone for his conversion miss. This he duly did and we were able to play out the final minute of the game without any further scares.
Our thanks go to the lads of Robertsbridge who took the defeat in good spirit, two fifteen minute bursts suiting our game far more. Their superior pace may have found us out over a longer period. Eastbourne to play, a cup up for grabs. Match 3 Eastbourne Two games won and one to go. Again the captain rearranged the squad, with the aim of securing a win against Eastbourne who had lost both of their games. It was noted, however, that they only just lost to Hastings and Bexhill and that they were improving as the competition progressed. The game kicked off with Lions receiving and going into the somewhat diagonal wind. It was noticeable early on that some of the previous urgency had gone from the Lions game, but never-the-less they continued to dominate the scrums and win their share of lineout ball. In open play this was not the case and a few missed tackles, poor decisions and failure to recycle ball allowed Eastbourne to play some adventurous football and prevent the Lions from scoring. Unfortunately for Eastbourne, one of their methods of score-prevention was to hold Lion’s winger Edwards (SoN) back after a clever kick through. This resulted in the touring team’s second penalty try of the season and the first of this game. The conversion was missed. The remainder of the half saw the possession change sides with neither team coming close to troubling the note takers on the side of the pitch. Half time and Lions were ahead 5-0, surely the trophy was going north, and much further north than Robertsbridge about 10 miles up the A21! News came across from the other pitch that said Robertsbridge team were ahead of Hastings and Bexhill, so the tournament was not yet over. A certain amount of panic set in and a short committee meeting led to some changes in the Lions personnel.
Lions started the second half and immediately came under intense pressure from the opposition who sensed they had a chance of victory, particularly the younger members of the team who maybe thought some of the older Lion’s players were just plain knackered. This optimism was reinforced when a missed touch kick (not the first, second or third of the competition) led to the aforementioned younger element running the ball back to score a well executed try which was duly converted. 5-7 and Lions were now facing a defeat and later we discovered a possible play-off. With time running out a well directed kick by the Lions number 10 put his team into the Eastbourne 22. A few plays later created the gap for Adam Cryar to sprint through for his second try of the tournament and the five points that regained the lead for Lions. From the kick off, the ball was fielded safely and touch found. Shortly after a penalty was awarded to the men in purple and the referee announced that there would be one more play from the resulting lineout. With Nango pleading with his forwards to take the ball and get it off the park and Slim deciding we could have one more score, the lineout ball was somehow lost, but the forwards made up for this by trapping the ball and driving the opposition into touch to end the game. Final score 10-7, a hard fought victory and Lions were tournament champions having won all three of their games with an aggregate score of 38-24.
Congratulations to all concerned for a great day out, particularly the host side that brought four very closely matched teams together. We would have been less confident about playing any of them over our normal 70 minute games!
Seafront “Early Bird” Adventure Golf Championship Sunday 6th April 2008 As the predicted snowfall finally arrived, Ian Stott, who had led the field from beginning to end, claimed his first major title with a three-stroke win at the Seafront “Early Bird” Adventure Golf Championship at Marine Parade, Hastings, E. Sussex.
When Hastings is wet, long and a bit chilly, it really does bring the big hitters to the fore and this year was no exception with the Ex Wigston man making a mockery of the conditions with birdies on 5 of the opening 9 holes, going to the turn with a four shot lead and despite hole in one shots on the back nine from rivals Daniel Quelch & Little Cookie, Stotty held his nerve to finish in a competition record 4 under par 44, three shots clear of his nearest rival Quelch - now we understand why he was drinking alcohol free becks in the FILO the previous evening. 
Pre tournament favourites Phil SoN & Buster both managed impressive starts but a putting mistake on the 6th prompted a semi-collapse which ended Phil’s challenge and Buster came unstuck after finding the water on the 12th. Last years joint champion Andy Winsland continued to show poor form starting with a triple bogey, he is now unlikely to play for Europe in September's Ryder Cup.
Other performances of note and not necessarily for the golf included Stan & team-mate Jim Hutchinson, especially popular with fans for their wardrobe didn’t let the spectators down, their fetching leprechaun outfits proved a favourite with the passing tourists and spectators alike. The Tournament ended with the Luck Last Hole Winners posing for photographs and facing the pleasant thought of a later breakfast & tee time next year!
Tour Review or Nonsensical Ramblings of our Tour Manager Daniel Quelch........  Despite an early morning start everyone assembled on time at McDonald's Fosse Park. Concerned by his driving speed, Rich Alexander set off to Hastings at least an hour before others, while we all sampled the delights of McDonald's fine fare. Eating at McDonald's was perhaps an omen for the weekend, as two players announced they had "won" tiny bags of delmonte fruit (1 of your 5 a day) as part of their Monopoly promotion.
Shortly before 9am, the tour commenced and we all headed to the M1 for the long journey south to Hastings. Despite the absence of Satnav's, Nango's directions to our destination were extremely useful and no one needed to get directions enroute. The journey to Hastings was fairly uneventful, most drivers where able to arrive by 11.30 (except Rich Alexander) at the Chatsworth Hotel. Nige Prothro, an absentee from the Vets this season, provided entertainment in Big Cookies car with jokes so old, most were last heard during "the 1st Battle of Hastings".
The Battle of Hastings that was fought October 1066, an event so significant, it completely changed the course of English history. What makes this event so important to the English is the immutable fact that it was the last time any foreign power was to conquer her. However, few of us had realised how significant Hastings was to become, not just in ancient history but more recent history, as we were to discover from the sign welcoming us to Hastings, that John Logie Baird also discovered television in Hasting.
John Logie Baird, the son of a clergyman, finished his studies at Glasgow University before returning to Hastings and applied himself to creating a television, a dream of many scientists for decades. His first crude apparatus was made of odds and ends but by 1924 he managed to transmit a flickering image across a few feet. In January 1926 he gave the world's first demonstration of true television before fifty scientists in an attic room in central London. In recognition of this historic event, JD Wetherspoons named a local pub in his honour in Hasting town centre, despite them being staunch critic of such apparatus.
With several hours to kill, most tourists headed to the local bookies in the town centre, this being Grand Nation weekend, to place bets and stock up on calories for the game that was going to be played later in the afternoon. 
Tudge dreams of Belinda Buster after 20 lemsips With the hotel meeting time confirmed by Nango, everyone returned to gather kit together as taxis were organised courtesy of Phoenix Cars of Hasting (the bird behind the counter was certainly worthy of a comment) to take us to the Ground located at the William Parker Lower School.
Arriving at the ground shortly before 2pm, and despite assurances provided by Nango and Winsland who had been closely monitoring the Hastings and Bexhill RFC website, we discovered their 2nd team game has been cancelled, the 2nds were already warming-up. Everyone became increasing alarmed we'd been "set up" following last years victory but the Hasting captain clarified they had decided to organise a 'round-robin tournament' with 2 other local sides - Eastbourne and Robertsbridge from East Sussex.
With some players still arriving at the Hastings Ground, only a few witnessed a tear jerking moment that was straight from the latest Mills & Boon novel when Baz Tudge was reunited with the long lost Belinda (this time wearing shoes), but astonishingly Belinda was accompanied by a mystery male. The tension was broken with Baz conceding defeat and returning to chat with his fellow tourists clearly upset.  
Colonel looking confused Captain & Tour Manager share hair styling tips Unanswered questions: According to the Hastings website, the fixture is with Leicester Loins, is this a reference to Baz? Does Nige really have the "prettiest blue eyes". Why does Stotty drink Bremen's finest alcohol free beer? What route does Rich take to Hastings? |
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